I determined once (in a very good unsober state) that the majority of my life's disappointments were caused by the vast amount of 80's movies and tv shows that were burned into my young pulpy brain.
I thought that school, and high school, and boys, and parties with high school boys, would happen a certain way. That marriage and children and a house and car and haircut appointments and Mom necklaces would all look this way and make me feel this way. I knew the ups and downs of life; at 11 years old I traced them like memories I already had when scanning the covers of the VHS New Releases, or devouring the latest issue of The Babysitter's Club.
This is what I would turn into. Own. Feel. Kiss. Love. Marry Corey Haim.
Cool. So fucking cool.