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Scary Mommy


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lessons learned (in brief)

At the halfway mark of this pregnancy, here are just a few tips for any girl thinking of getting a kid up in ya:

• Don't watch Up, unless you're ok with swollen eyes for 24 hours.
• Don't hold any amount of pee in for any amount of time, because if you happen to see a friend get accidentally whipped in the face in a restaurant by another sheepish friend, with a whip purchased by another friend in the parking lot of the Taj Mahal, you will laugh so hard a sizeable squirt of pee will come right out of you.
• Popsicles are your friends. Creamsicles are your soulmates.
• You will have to buy a real bra with an underwire for the first time in your life and at first it will feel like 2 iron rods clamped to your ribs and your boobs will hate you, but check your reflection. BOOBS!
• Head on down to Target right away for cheap, cute and functional maternity clothing. At 6$ for a pair of black tights, you can buy 12 pairs AND still have money leftover to buy the most adorable single serving Ben & Jerry's cups they sell in the food aisle. Oh Target, why aren't you in Canada??!! I'll gladly trade you an Old Navy and all of the Canadian Tire locations for just one..

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