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Scary Mommy



i give this part of me for you {sweet sarah}

Eight years ago. Lightheaded with excitement, sitting in a muggy car infused with the fumes of our fast food breakfast, my brand new fiancé (formerly smoldering boyfriend), and I danced in our seats (okay, I danced while he smoldered), and talked over top of each other like parrots in a zoo.

We were engaged.

Hot crunchy hash browns were jammed down throats in between the first snatches of real planning. As we wound the car home from Washington (where the proposal had stilled the wind on a light-dappled seaside boardwalk), the wedding party was the first speed bump. My soon-to-be husband had approximately 477 friends that deserved to stand beside him, in squeaky shoes and musty rented suits, while I had always been more Pee Wee Herman with my inner circle. (A loner, Dottie, a rebel.)

I had three very close girlfriends; we got high and watched reality TV weddings; we perfected the art of homemade nachos; we laughed until we squirted pee into our laps, then ran hobbling and laughing harder to the bathroom.

But I needed one more.

Our friend Nick had recently returned home from travelling with a fancy new souvenir – a girl from New Zealand named Sarah. (Hi Sarah! This is the intro to my story about you. I hope that’s okay. Also, tough tits if it’s not.)


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the 5 stages of cooking with kids {a day in the life of a drama queen's momma}

{I was away in Victoria this weekend for some sugar intake (Tout De Sweet!), some sweet half-arm sunburns, hotel lounge top shelf tequila, conversations that fed my Gremlin soul and a beautiful bridal shower in a home that I never wanted to leave.

While I was away, my guest post for the sweet-as-goddamn-pie Traci from A Day in the Life of a Drama Queen's Momma went up. A taste...}

image via a day in the life of a drama queen's momma

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perfect ten {vol.7}

So, this week I cut out most sugar and carbohydrates from my diet. I figured why not feel like murdering everything and everyone, just for fun? So, be warned. There's a lot of inspirational shit and sugary shit below. Enjoy!

cleanse that shit..with a muhfuckin RAINBOW

And now, here's 10 links that I loved this week.

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you know what i love? {vol.2}



blog tour pitstop

That crazy super talented word sorceress Sarah from est1975blog nominated me recently to join her Blog Tour. It's not like we get to leave our lives behind, travel from city to city on a velvet-lined Willie Nelson-styled bus (which for the record I would do in an infant heartbeat) and have amazing riders like: Chipotle menu items that won't make us fart and cans of cherry pie filling with the lids already off because: FUCK a manual can opener right in its incompetent face.

No, this is just a virtual tour of my blog and brain; a sweet peek-a-boo into my process (or hideous lack thereof) and why I'm here spitting out stories on a Squarespace template your fetus could probably tweak to make prettier.

Catch up on the first wave of the tour here and then settle in with your lighters for my answers below:

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